Horny Spy: Secret Mission

THE GOOD, THE BAD, THE QUIRKY Horny Spy: Secret Mission is a short VN about the young but determined Jessie Smith. She investigates a local mafia organization but finds she's constantly stripping and getting sexual in pursuit of her primary target. If you don't take this game very seriously and just follow the often flawed logic of characters to their obvious, lewd conclusions, this could prove briefly to be a good time. THE GOOD Spoiler: High points Renders : While not the best renders you'll find (there are many games with far better), these are pretty good. Jessie looks attractive from any angle, as do the other girls who show up: Kayla, Renée, and Vivian. The male characters are equally decently rendered and not off-putting as those in adult games can tend to be. Backgrounds and settings are done pretty well, fitting the locations they are to represent. Length : The game isn't long, even if you play bonus content. I'd say maybe an hour, 75 minutes tops, and you've completed all there is to play. If you want something quick to fap to or just to appreciate aesthetically otherwise, this is mildly entertaining for a brief time. Story : Although each scenario specifically sets up reasons for Jessie to lose her clothes and bump privates, within the context of each chapter and the overall story, with wiling suspension of disbelief they mostly are relatively believable. An informant won't give something for nothing. Working in the VIP area of a gentlemen's club means sex of some kind. What rich man wouldn't accept a sexy maid's advances? The temptation to reignite an old flame can put someone off their guard. At times things can get a bit excessive. For example, while Vivian is hot, I find it unlikely someone with no past lesbian encounters (that we know of) would race to the bathroom with Jessie, whom she just barely met. However, given it's a porn game, I suppose the logic for at least some scenes is likely to match the stereotype. (Like another reviewer mentions, she has no spy gadgets... of any kind?) But I didn't find these breaks in logic excessive since I assumed silliness based on the title from the beginning — I just went with the flow instead of overanalyzing things — so this didn't really hurt the story much for me.​ Minigames : While a lot of people dislike minigames with a passion, personally I don't mind them in a VN. This is especially true when they are fairly short and simple to beat, so they don't detract much from the course of normal progression in the storyline. There are two minigames that come with this VN. N AKED S PY : A game in the style of candy matching that progressively causes Jessie to strip. Just keep finding sets of 3 or more until her final render. S ECRET M ODE : A 3-level arcade-style shooter, with simple controls: LMB to shoot and RMB to reload when the chamber is empty. The players are rewarded with a naked render of Renée, Vivian, and Kayla after beating each level. For so little work, the bonus renders are nice.​ Music : While not grand orchestration or moving descants, there is music throughout the game, and the songs chosen match the scenes when they happen. In fact, one piece — that is used in the gentlemen's club and again near the end of the game — is actually pretty good. I could see myself listening to that occasionally if the mood arose. THE BAD Spoiler: Low points Controls : There is neither any rollback nor any dialogue history option in the game. This can be a real problem at times, like if you click accidentally (while trying to move your mouse away from your coffee mug, for instance). You're unable to read the text just before if somehow you hadn't finished with it yet. Show/Hide UI : The feature Philip Efimov created for the game (presumably to mimic Ren'Py to some extent) has a couple of flaws that are... less than desirable. Incomplete : The first is a minor negative, and more of a quibble really. You can hide all of the UI except the top-right hamburger menu ( ☰ ). This wouldn't be a big deal, but if the intent of hiding the UI is to offer an opportunity for fullscreen image capture, the UI element somewhat conflicts with that purpose. Uncoordinated : The second is much more of a problem. If you click LMB while the UI is hidden , the game continues forward — you just can't see that anything has happened. This means you can hide the UI and either accidentally click or you may click and assume a Ren'Py-like response of un hiding the UI. When the UI remains hidden, you may not know that anything occurred, so you could risk missing dialogue. And since there's no rollback or history in this game, this is a fairly major flaw. Inconsistent Personality : There are moments when Jessie doesn't act like a spy. For example, when Jessie (as "Cherry") meets Vivian, she says she also broke up with her boyfriend recently. Not long after that, Vivian then asks what the reason for the breakup "Cherry" went through was. Jessie's response of, "Sorry, what?" surprised me. It's as if she doesn't know what Vivian was talking about. A spy surely needs to be able to remember a single lie for more than 3 minutes! During the same conversation, when Vivian finally comes on to "Cherry", Jessie wonders whether Vivian is hitting on her. Shouldn't a spy be able to read things like body language, let alone extremely simple conversational queues? She appears to be below even a base-level trainee's skill here; it seems impossible any government with more than 5 citizens would give someone like Jessie a job as a spy. THE QUIRKY Spoiler: Neutral points Controls : Not all controls are terrible. Rather than keyboard shortcuts, you have to expand the top right hamburger menu ( ☰ ) and then click an option (like LOAD or SAVE ) there. It's a little inconvenient, but not bad, and it's simple enough to learn and do. The English in the game is pretty decent overall, though there are some clear indicators that the developer is not a native English speaker. Phrases and words sometimes feel a little off: " bright orgasm" (not " powerful orgasm") "Hi, handsome guys " (not "Hi, cuties ", "Are you two snacks or what?", or similar) words like "erotogenic" (instead of erogenous ) and so on However, the English throughout is moderately decent, so there's never any point where what's said should be confusing to a player who may themselves have an average skill or higher in English.​ Dialogue : At times the characters' speech feels forced. There is a fellow agent Jessie knows, Matthew Baker. Since he's part of her past, she probably wouldn't think of him as "Agent Matthew Baker", but rather just "Baker", "Agent Baker", or "Matthew". His title and full name is a bit too much; it feels unnatural to have her think this. She also keeps referring to things as "the secret mission"; the players are very aware she's a spy and is on secret missions. It's unnecessary to keep emphasizing that specific detail again and again. Since half-star ratings aren't possible and Jessie and Vivian are both cuties, I'll round this from 1.5 stars to 2. If you want a silly game about total commitment always amounting to sexual situations and exploiting the MC at practically every opportunity, this game is a bit of fun. If you're looking for an easy way to get several lewd renders without too much effort, this game could be something to consider. If you're looking for a serious, hard-hitting VN about the pitfalls of the spy world, tragedy that can befall those involved in crime, or anything of the sort, Horny Spy: Secret Mission is not the game you want. But then again, with a name like this VN bears, why would you expect anything more?

Okay, so, I don't really like giving a low score, and this game is really unintentionally funny but it's just not very good. Jessie is maybe the worst spy ever and her methodology when it comes to espionage mostly involves hoppin' on dicks. She's not capable of hiding around corners. She uses no technology to her advantage; no gadgets or spy cams or anything you'd expect a spy to use. She's a bumbling nymphomaniac with all the subtlety of a dildo shaped sledgehammer. The dialogue is hilariously bad. Guys comment at one point that Jessie's tits are amazing because they are elastic and bouncy. The dialogue comes across as very awkward and robotic. It's not good. The general descriptions are about the same quality. The plot is nonsensical. Jessie goes on a sequence of 'undercover' missions where she changes her hair and ends up hopping on or sucking on a dick at the end. She's doing all of this to get closer to some mafia kingpin but it actually makes no sense if you stop and think for more than two seconds. As an example, she poses as a housekeeper for the targets son, sneaks into his confidential 'off-limits' room, gets caught, tells the son she fell in love with him at first sight as a distraction, fucks the son and then she is doing something completely different in the next scene. Wouldn't he be suspicious after he caught her? Especially given the context? Some of the blocking in scenes again makes no sense where characters are at street level in one shot and then on top of a building the next with no transition. The game is very short. There's about an hour in here. Well, actually maybe more as I only got 1 of 2 endings but I can't imagine there's really that much different. There's no animations and a lot of the posing in the sex scenes is bad. The porn aspect is not very well done. It's not hot but it is corny and funny in a campy kind of way imo. Basically everything in the game is below average except the rendered character designs which are actually pretty good save for some of the clothing. Overall, it's probably not worth your time unless you wanna have a chuckle. Despite the harsh review, the dev does have potential for sure, as the renders are pretty nice. Just needs to work on writing, dialogue, and the porn aspect.